13 August 2009

Deep Madder Masculinity

“There’s lots of advice for women about how to get over shyness, but shyness can be much harder for men to deal with because it’s seen as a feminine trait. [. . .] The problem is that, according to all social rules, men are supposed to approach women, so love-shy heterosexual men fare badly.”
-Gillian Butler, from this article.*
I think this is why Deep Madderian writing often seems like (putatively) masculine articulations of (putatively) feminine sentiments: Deep Madder could almost be summarised as, "Two men struggling with feelings and inhabiting roles that are more common for women."
*Shown to me by P Clark

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Blogger Pamela said...

But I don't think that's even remotely true, about it being "socially acceptable" for women to be shy, I mean. People (esp male people, double esp Deep Madderian people) hugely overestimate the ease with which shy women find partners.

August 14, 2009 at 12:35 AM  
Blogger Lindsay said...

But when it comes to dating - it is true. i would very rarely be the one to make the first overt move. it's all about women sending subtle cues to men, and men having to pick them up, decipher them, decide whether or not to strike up a convo - to keep it going, and then they are the ones who have to deal with the rejection. i have to hand it to them - they really do have to deal with a lot. it's a burden that i would not want to bear. obviously this is not the case in all situations and it is changing, but men are still expected to approach women far more often than vice versa.

August 14, 2009 at 1:55 PM  
Blogger Lindsay said...

That said, in everyday situations it is women who fare worse than men if they are shy socially since it is women who are expected to be the managers of the family's social calendar. and are supposed to like chatting/gossiping/all that stuff. it is much more acceptable for a man to be alone, keep to himself, not take initiative to hang out with others. we can see them as solitary, strong, self-assured/positive traits. Men can go places alone without it looking pathetic or weird. How often do women go to a bar alone, and people find it normal?

Think in your family about who manages things like sending out birthday cards to cousins, especially when you were younger. planning social events like barbecues. calling up family members to invite them places. im willing to bet its the females of the home. how would people in the family react if they didn't do this? they would probably gossip that something is wrong - they are anti social, etc.

August 14, 2009 at 2:09 PM  

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